#like god i am so tired of being not rejected bc there's nothing wrong but Shelved bc i don't really fit either

[nonbinaryseymourkrelborn]

God I wish I could be positive like other anons that said that for them 7x04 is the biggest confirmation buddie is happening. Please ignore this if you don’t feel like consoling me about my pessimist rant. I was optimistic but 7x04 made me a pessimist.

I just keep thinking “if 7x04 was supposed to be about buddie why was not about buddie?

Let me explain: it was the perfect setup for starting buddie. You know how it’s a bait and switch. They could have just not switched. They could have had Eddie go to buck instead of Tmmy and have Eddie say “you’re irreplaceable” which would have been much more meaningful and then “you know I can have more than a friend, right?” And buck could have said “maybe i don’t wanna be your friend” and boom you have bisexual buck and can get rid of that old ugly man.

It was the perfect setup, you need to change literally ONE SCENE. I literally can’t find a reason why they didn’t do it. My BFF said “they couldn’t make them come out at the same time” but they wouldn’t have. Eddie could have rejected him and then spend s7 coming to terms with his feelings instead of the shit that happened. I don’t believe in the “it’s cuz it’s a slow burn” theory because 6 years is slow enough. I wanna be a truther so bad but ever since 7x04 I’ve been slowly losing hope.

I flip flop between being optimistic and pessimistic… to me i can see the vision of whst they were *trying* to do with 7x4 but with no chemistry and one of the actors being so inept at their job it just fell completely flat… it felt unearned in a way bc we have seen buck and eddie interracting for 6 years, and the entire episode was centered around buck pining for eddie’s attention (im sorry, there is not way any of what buck did in that episode was out of any interest in Timmy Turner) just to throw the curveball at the end. The point of a bait and switch is thay the switch has to be believable, and earned— but it wasn’t because you spent the entire episode talking about eddie. Why not have buck’s jealousy be solely “oh i hate Tylenol, he’s so ughh and i hate him and i can’t stand him” bc if it had been that i would be more inclined to believe that buck had some sort of unconscious interest in him.

but that’s not what they did, they made him go gaga over eddie the entire episode.

another thing they could have done to make the switch effective is actually given Tuberculosis a role within the episode other thsn to show up and kiss buck… like showcase him and buck interacting more… build sublte tension there that makes it believable that buck is attracted to him… don’t just shove him in a corner and leave him collecting dust (don’t get me wrong i am NOT campaigning for them giving that man more screentime in fact i want that man off my screen as soon as possible which should have been the end of 7x3)

so from a narrative standpoint… to have eddie so intrinsically linked to Buck’s emotional arc in 7x4, i can absolutely see the vision of trying to do the whole misplaced feelings thing… even if they didn’t stick the landing at all bc lfj’s face is so stiff from all the botox that he can’t emote to save his life.

to me where things start to fall apart is after 7x4…. they had the perfect opportunity for buck to have his arc in 7x5, “mess things up with Tiramisu” (even though i fully side with buck in everything that happened on that date, like bffr) and then end the episode with them deciding to no longer pursue a relationship because they want different things (buck wants a relationship but is still new to this, Tire-Iron is old af and just wants a boytoy) and have them part ways… but they decided to double down on the relationship, having Buck invite a man he has known for 5 minutes to his sister’s wedding and then proceeded to make the wedding about buck??? that’s where the writers truly lost me. especially after they spent the first part of that ep establishing that Tricycle is nothing but dismissive and condescending to Buck just to make the whole wedding scene about them??? there was no need for that cringe-ass kiss (even if it had been a buddie plot point that kiss would have made me cringe bc the way it was written was so fuckin corny and also we waited too damn long for the madney wedding for it to be about someone else).

then ofc there’s the medal ceremony where we once again see Tuberculosis being dismissive of buck, and then 7x10 where he steamrolls over buck trying to have a meaningful conversation for him to just make a fucking sex joke…..

like i keep flip flopping back and forth bc i KNOW that T-rex has no substance as a character and no personality whatsoever beyond kissing buck, but i don’t understand why they’ve kept him around this long? There were plenty of opportunities to end things between them… 7x10 had a golden opportunity to solidify buck prioritizing bobby/eddie over his relationship and having Trampoline get upset and move on?? 7x9 could have had Bobby tell buck that he didn’t think Tablecloth was a good partner for him, comparing her to Abby and Taylor.

He was nowhere to be SEEN in 7x7

There could have been a moment in 7x6 where Eddie and Buck had a heart to heart (not even to make buddie go canon in that ep, but for eddie to point out that Truckstop doesn’t seem all that interested in him— hell or even hav HEN do it??)

After the entirety of 7b my trust in Tim has dwindled down so severely that I genuinely am trying not to form any expectations from s8… like i am fully prepared to just be disappointed again.

That being said I do think there is still so much potential for them to fix the mess quickly if they actually put in the time and effort… my issue is that idk if I trust them to fix the mess or just make it worse.

Plus if the same thing happens with s8 as s7 where they get renewed early on, that runs the risk of Tim changing the story yet again and dragging out plot points that don’t need to be dragged out.

Like it has fully been 6 seasons. Booth and Brennan were together by then, there is no reason buddie needs another full season…. especially after they’ve given themselves yet another wide open road to give us eddie coming to terms with his feelings; whether they go down that route or try to rehash shannon again is yet to be seen…

i saw someone else on here say something (and i cannot for the life of me remember who said it so full credit to that person for this quote) but it was along the lines of (and this is SEVERELY paraphrased) “tim made the choice to kill of shannon. if you wanted her to still be around then you shouldn’t have killed her. you made the choice, so stick with it.” and i feel like that applies to a LOT of the character regression/retconning we saw in s7

so i’m still in that boat of until they actually make the show good again, I’m gonna sit and wait because it’s not worth getting my hopes up and stressed about something that may not even happen bc the writers love toying either our emotions more than they love telling the story the way they themse have set it up to be told.

(also this applies to the show as a whole, not just buddie, there were so many plotlines in s7 that just careened into the realm of melodramatic soap opera to me in a way that was so ooc for the show… what happened to the little procedural dramedy? why is the cartel here committing arson? why are there pirates attacking a cruise ship in an arc that lasts all of 5 minutes? i miss the s2/3/4 era so badly (yes, say what you will about s4 but i enjoyed that season) and i really thought we were going to be getting that back in s7 (and pirate plot aside, eps 1-3 showed promise, and tbh aside from the kiss at the end 7x6 is one of my favorite episodes of the show in general, but as far as the season as a whole it just fell so flat for me)

[vampiremourning]

.

[milks-writings]

yo-ho it’s me. well i wanna say that my short name is sephi so now you will always know it’s me(oh what the actually heck am i saying) anyway it’s still me and i’m again with bokuto ask because u know i’m in love :P so can u please write smth with GN!reader new fukurodani manager and bokuto felling in love and being touchy u know falling asleep in their arms and holding them tight after match in team bus. maybe if you have a time little about confessing in his emo mode thank u vv in advance

✿.｡.:*☆.:*:*:.☆*.:｡.✿.✿.｡.:*☆.:*:*:.☆*.:｡.✿.

☆*.:｡.✿ 𝕡𝕒𝕚𝕣𝕚𝕟𝕘: Kōtarō Bokuto x GN!Reader

☆*.:｡.✿ 𝕡𝕝𝕠𝕥: The new Manager of Fukurodani is pretty cute doe, that’s what Bokuto thinks, and the next moment he can remember, he is in love with them

☆*.:｡.✿ 𝕘𝕖𝕟𝕣𝕖: fluff!

☆*.:｡.✿ 𝕨𝕒𝕣𝕟𝕚𝕟𝕘𝕤: swearing (I SWEAR ALL THE TIME I’M SORRY HHHH)

☆*.:｡.✿ 𝕒/𝕟: Thank u so much for requesting this Sephi! This idea is really sweet, and I hope you like this writing bc this is not really the best work I‘ve done🥺

Make sure to drink some water as well, and stay hydrated!

Luv my followers, muah 💋

☆*.:｡.✿ 𝕞𝕒𝕤𝕥𝕖𝕣𝕝𝕚𝕤𝕥

☆*.:｡.✿ Scenario:

Perfect

(Hair/color) hair, (eye/c) eyes and they are standing at about (your/Height). They are perfect, literally.

There was nothing that could prove Bokuto wrong, the way they smile, the way they look at him in admiration once he hit the ball again pretty hard and made the other team lose, the way their hair is shining under the sun rays, the way their perfectly smooth skin is glowing every time the sun decides to kiss their face gently.

Perfect.

Y/N, god damn it, even their name was perfect!

Not to mention the way their lips pull up into a smile every time they hear something nice, or funny.

He liked them, so much.

He, the Top 3-tier ace, fell in love with his manager.

To add, he never knew he liked them until Akaashi pointed out.

“Do you like them?” “Huh?” his face turned red, and he raised an eyebrow at the setter, who seemed to be only smiling a little. “Oh my god, I like them!”

And right after that, he wanted them, to like him back.

Akaashi, of course, could only pray every night that they would like him back because already thinking of how he would go into his emo mode after getting rejected gave him a massive headache.

Bokuto tried hard, really hard for them to like him back.

And it all started for the first time at their training camp.

He reserved a seat next to him, and Akaashi helped him to convince the others to let y/n sit beside Bokuto, or else he would go back to his emo mode again, probably. No one wanted that, especially because they would have to deal with him the whole week then.

Anyway, back to the drive, it was perfect. His crush sitting beside him, while he was talking about how he was going to beat every team in the training camp. As he thought it couldn’t get any better, a laugh left their mouth.

Oh yes, it could get any better, after all, it was them with who he sat there on the bus.

And from all the sweet-talking with them, he grew tired. Not from them of course! But talking this much made him just want to shut his eyes.

“Bokuto, are you very tired?” His eyes twitched over to their figure, and he could only smile a little. “Yeah” “You can sleep on my shoulder if you want to” If I would tell you that his heart stopped for a few seconds, maybe even minutes, I wouldn’t be lying. Or at least it felt like his heart stopped beating for the rest of the drive because as soon as he had his head on their shoulder, he could swear, they could hear his heart racing.

How could they miss such a loud thing?

His heartbeat was so loud and strong, he could exactly hear and feel how it raced.

How was he supposed to sleep like that? Though just as he was about to shoot his eyes open, your hand was already in his hair, and he swore, that all his bloodshot into his cheeks, because d*mn, he suddenly felt so hot.

Not that he was uncomfortable like that, no, he was just too comfortable with that, too comfortable, it almost made him uncomfortable.

He wanted to say something, confess maybe, but he missed his chance, and his eyes felt heavier than they should, and the unconsciousness took over him, making him fall asleep the next second he could remember.

Only as the sun rays started to tickle his face, and an angelic voice, which probably belonged to them, he woke up again.

“Bokuto, we have to leave. We will get breakfast now and then your second game will start”

He wanted to always wake up like that, with their beautiful face facing him, and waking him up gently because he was sleeping too long. Their soft fingers tracing over his cheek, in the hope to get him awoken like that.

“Oh?” He raised an eyebrow in confusion, making them laugh again. If it was possible, he was even more whipped for his manager than he had been before.

---

Let‘s just say, that over the last three days, he got really touchy with them. And they, of course, didn‘t mind, after all, he was also their crush. So they had been crushing on each other, and it was almost perfect for Akaashi, maybe too perfect. Everything was going fine between them, everything was flawless between them until Y/N started to talk to Kuroo.

Words couldn‘t describe how down Bokuto felt after seeing the two.

They made the perfect couple. Sadly.

But he never knew that they were talking about Bokuto, and how Y/N should confess to him.

And to Akaashis luck, of course, it had to happen before a match, even though it was before a training match, it was still a bad thing.

Because now, Bokuto was in his emo mode. And Y/N was nowhere in sight, sadly.

The game started, and everyone in the whole gym hall could feel the negative aura around Bokuto. Everyone. Akaashi never wanted to risk anything right now, so all his sets went to someone else but Bokuto.

Where had they been?

And why did they take so long to talk with Kuroo?

A break.

They needed a break.

And that‘s what Fukurodani got, a break, and right at the same time, Y/N walked in, like they knew about this all.

But they never wanted to confess this early, but Akaashi practically forced them into that.

“Cheer Bokuto up!” “He is having a hard time” and many more comments were flying around them, attacking her somehow but at the same time, these were slightly encouraging words.

So after finally gaining the courage, they walked up to the boy, who was giving off a still depressed and sad aura.

“Bokuto, can we uh-” They cut themselves. No, they didn‘t have any time to talk somewhere else, the break would end every second. “I really like you, Bokuto!” they blurted out, squinting their eyes together. The whole team heard it, and Akaashi was so relieved, luckily he prayed every night for that, luckily Bokuto could feel how his mood got boosted. His eyes went from wide open to a softened expression, before hugging them tightly “I like you too, Y/N!”. The rest of the game was much better than expected, much better than they could ever think of, and it was all thanks to your confession.

And at the end of the day, he showered them in affection, giving them many small kisses, telling them how much he loved them, and almost always was being touchy with them.

They were made for each other, the perfect couple.

Bonus:

“Y/N!” He runs up to them, hugging them tightly and showered them in kisses while grinning brightly “Hey hey hey!“ They laughed a little and looked up aI the male who was cheerfully holding them. “Happy first anniversary!“ They gratulated him, and nuzzled their nose against his, making him hum in satisfaction. “Happy first anniversary, babe“ he hummed happily, making them blush a little at the pet name. He cupped their face and looked down into those beautiful and perfect eyes he fell in love with “I love you” He suddenly confessed, throwing the other one-off guard. He never said such words, nor did they, but soon their surprised and confused face turned into a soft smile “I love you too, darling” 

[softspiderling]

put in love and don’t give up | t.h.

Summary: honestly, you never pegged Tom for the kind of guy that ghosts people, but here you are. Ghosted.

Pairing: Tom Holland x Reader

Song I listened to while writing: Harder by Jax Jones feat. Bebe Rexha

Author’s Note: it’s been a hot minute since I last posted a fic and bc @afangirlwashere made me feel bad for not posting shit, I’m back on my update schedule for now. This is somewhat based on a dream I’ve had about tom I hope you enjoy it!!

Warnings: angst, I guess? Also cursing probably

Word Count: 2,4k

gif is not mine!

It’s not like Tom owes you anything.

You went out for a couple of dates and apparently it just wasn’t working out for him. Even though you had thought that the dates were pretty great; you’re interested in the same things, your goals in life are similar and you’re just- on the same wavelength. Or that’s what you had thought.

YOU: Trying to take care of the mess that is my flat but instead I’m on my couch procrastinating by watching a bunch of YouTube videos.

YOU: Someone should take away my phone.

The timestamp on the text tells you that it’s been a whole two weeks since he read it. At first you thought he was busy and he’d text you back when he got the time, but you never received any reply. You had thought about double texting him, maybe he hadn’t replied because the text you had sent didn’t involve a question that’d get him to reply, but if Tom had wanted to keep texting you, he would have found an answer that kept the conversation right? So you fought the urge to send another text, but that didn’t stop you from staring at the texts every now and then when you had the time.

You even tried calling him, but that was just as fruitless; for a minute, you were worried that something had happened to him, but later that day Tom had posted a story from him and Sam at a pub. So he was fine, it’s just you that seemed to have been the problem.

But that’s fine.

You can handle rejection, that’s something you had to get used to when it came to dating in your twenties, but you never would have pegged Tom as a person who would ghost someone instead of just outright telling you that he doesn’t like you as much as you like him. But you really thought he did, with the way he was smiling at you and the interest he had showed in your degree.

It sounds cheesy but you thought he was different. Even though his job kind of scared you off at first, you couldn’t help yourself but fall for the sweet and down to earth guy he still managed to be despite his fame.

With a sigh, you exit out of the text chain and pull up your grocery list, eyes scanning the items in your cart. You’re only missing the milk and butter.

Pushing the cart towards the dairy section, you slide your phone back into the pocket of your jacket and keep your eyes open for your brand of milk, when raucous laughter pulls your attention to the corner where the dairy section meets the frozen section.

Curiously you lean over to find the source of the noise, only to see two familiar looking boys.

Harry, one of Tom’s younger brothers and Tuwaine, one of his best friends joking around next to their carts. You had gotten to know them when Tom invited you out for drinks with them. Another reason that confused you as to why he would introduce you to his brothers and friends if he wasn’t that into you.

“Hey guys,” you greet them, lifting your hand to wave at them awkwardly. Harry’s head perks up when he hears your voice and he smiles goofily at you, while Tuwaine returns the wave as they take a few steps towards you, their sides constantly colliding as if they are unable to walk straight.  

“Hey Y/N,” Harry says, stuffing his hands into his pockets, rocking back and forth on his heel of his feet. “Doing the weekly shopping?”

You nod and gesture towards your cart and its content. “Yeah, uh, just the basic stuff,” you said, narrowing your eyes when you glance into their carts.

“And you’re shopping for a party…?”

“What?” Tuwaine furrows his brows and turns back to look into his cart before turning back to you with a grin.

“No, it’s our basic stuff.”

“Christ,” you wince. “I really hope you’re going to the dentist regularly. I am pretty sure this amount of popsicles isn’t healthy.”

The boys shrug with laughter. “How have you been?” Harry wants to know and you give him a gentle smile.

“Fine. University’s keeping me busy. How are you guys?” you ask, hesitating. “How’s Tom?”

Tuwaine clears his throat awkwardly and Harry jabs his friend in the ribs with a glare. Your cheeks color; their awkwardness and embarrassment confirmed your fear.

So Tom is really ghosting you.

“We’re good. And Tom- he’s busy, working all the time, you know how he is,” Harry says, stumbling over his words.

“Do I though?”

The gentleness in your voice catch the boys off guard and Tuwaine rubs the back of his neck, pressing his lips together in a thin line.

Wow, what on earth moved you to even approach them? This is probably the most awkward situation you’ve ever put yourself into.

“Tom’s being an idiot,” he finally offers. “You didn’t do anything wrong.”

You grimace, appreciating his words but it still stings. But doesn’t rejection always sting? But that’s the thing, isn’t it? Tom didn’t even give you the courtesy of a rejection he just straight up started ignoring you.

Waving it off, you smile crookedly at him.

“It’s fine. He’s fine.”

You gesticulate wildly with your hands, to show them how fine it is. Judging by their expressions, it certainly doesn’t seem to convince them. Stilling your hands, you exhale softly.

“I’m not mad or anything,” you then sigh, defeated. “I’m just a little bit disappointed. But I’ll get over it, you guys don’t need to worry about it or anything.”

You thrum your palms against the handle of the cart, smacking your lips together. “Well, this has been enough awkwardness for today. Uhm, I’ll see you guys around?”

Leaving the question hanging in the air, you shoot them a tentative smile; their chorused “Bye Y/N!”s make you sigh. As you turn around the corner, you hear them squabbling and you strain your ears to find out, what it is about.

“Congrats Tuwaine, this was probably the most uncomfortable situation I’ve ever had.”

“What are you looking at me for? It’s not my fault! If it’s anyone’s, it’s Tom’s!”

There’s a pause and you can hear someone sigh.

Then:

“I know it is. He’s just scared, you know how important his privacy is to him. Maybe Harrison can talk to him when he gets back. But I get it though, he’s-“

You almost bump your cart into an old lady, too busy trying to eavesdrop their conversation.

“Young lady!” The lady sends you a menacing glare and you apologize half-heartedly, too distracted by what you’ve just heard.

What was Harry talking about? What did he mean when he said that Tom was scared? You’re confused, you thought you had a clear picture of why he had stopped texting you. Lost in thoughts, you make your way to the check out, and put your groceries on the counter to get rung up.

By the time you get home you still haven’t figured out what it was that Tom is scared of and you almost break your brain trying to think of a logical explanation.

As you’re lying in bed that night, you come to the conclusion that you might never find out what Harry was talking about and see no point in obsessing over something that you are unable to change, so you push the matter in the far back of your mind, hoping that you would soon forget about it. But that is easier said than done, right?

Over the weekend you try your hardest to forget about the encounter with Harry and Tuwaine, stopping your brain from trying to find a solution to Tom’s problem you know nothing about and it’s harder than you thought it would be.

Even your readings for your business class seem to be offering basically no distraction whatsoever, which is why you find yourself at a small café down the street Sunday afternoon. With the sunlight filtering through the window, throwing the busy café in a shade of warm orange, you sit by the window with your text marker, scanning your assigned readings and occasionally marking a passage or two.

“I’m sorry, Miss?”

You look up from your text, your vision a little blurry before finally recognizing the barista standing in front of you with a sheepish smile.

“We’re closing in five minutes,” she tells you and your eyes widen as you take in your surroundings. You’ve been so engrossed in the article you’ve been reading, you hadn’t realized how late it has gotten: the lights have long been turned on in the café and you’ve noticed that all the chairs and tables have been cleared except of the one you’re currently occupying.

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry!” you apologize and scramble your documents together, stuffing them in your bag.

“It’s no problem, really,” the barista gives you a warm smile. “Have a nice evening.”

You shoulder your bag and send her a small wave as you headed through the door.

“Thanks! You too!”

The darkness from outside catches you by surprise and you pull your cardigan tighter around your chest, starting your walk back home. Hearing your stomach grumble, you’re reminded of the lack of food your day has brought and while you turn the corner to your flat, you try to come up with a quick meal with the ingredients you know you have at home.

Rummaging in your bag for your keys as you get closer to your building door, you finally manage to grasp the small fluffy key chain from the depth of your bag and lift your head. That’s when you see Tom sitting on the steps that lead up to the door.

You still and he jumps up, dusting off his pants. He looks tired, the denim jacket was slung tightly around his torso and you’re pressing your lips together before slowly taking a few steps towards him.

“Hey,” you greet him wearily. “What are you doing here?”

Tom rubs the back of his neck. “Hi Y/N. I, uh-“ he gestures towards the steps he’s just been sitting on. “I’ve been waiting for you uh, here. Been here for a while actually. “

“Oh. Why didn’t you call?”

He ducks his hand and his hands disappear into the pockets of his denim jacket. “Wasn’t sure if you’d pick up.”

You look at him with an unreadable expression and the keys dangle from your hand as you unlock the door, keeping it open with the heel of your shoe.

“Do you want to come in?” you ask, and he nods before following you inside and to your flat. He’s uncharacteristically quiet as you close your door behind you and take off your shoes, before moving to your couch, immediately taking refuge under your fluffy blanket.

Tom on the other hand looks like he’s out of place as he stands in the middle of the room, his eyes darting around.

The tension between you two is palpable and even though you know it’s his turn to speak, you’re aware that he’s fighting to bring his thoughts into words.

“You know you didn’t have to come all this way to do this, right?” you finally say, clasping your hands together.

“To do what?”

“I got the hints, Tom and I also rant into Harry and Tuwaine the other day. You’re here to let me down easy,” you say, pulling your knees close to your torso and he gapes at you, slowly moving to sit on the couch, though the distance between you is still there.

“What? No! That’s not why I’m here, why-“ He breaks off, pinching the bridge of his nose in annoyance. “What did they tell you?”

You shrug. “That I didn’t do anything wrong and that you’re an idiot?”

“Well, I am an idiot,” Tom admits. “But not for the reason you think, I promise Y/N.”

“So you’re not here to break things off with me?”

He shakes his head and carefully reaches out to touch your hand which is resting on top of your knee. Your pinkie twitches and you eye his fingers inching slowly towards yours, but you don’t move your hand away. Tom takes your hand in his and looks at, his brows furrowed.

“I’m sorry I ignored you,” he says quietly. “It just… It’s so hard dating someone when you work in the movie industry. The media has no respect for your privacy and I really didn’t want to put you in harm’s way, especially with all the people who are weirdly insisting on me and Z being a couple-.”  

You didn’t realize that he felt this way. Even though you knew that he was struggling with all the attention, you thought he could handle it well, but apparently he’s an even better actor than you thought he was.

“I was so conflicted. I like you so much and I thought if I’d push you away, you’d move on. But when Harry told me how lovely you were being, still asking how I was doing even though I was being a jerk to you I realized how childish I was being. That I needed to be honest with you and let you decide for yourself if I am worth it or not.”

Tom chews on his lower lip as his voice quiets down and you squeeze his hand, giving him a soft smile.

“You’re right. You should have been honest with me,” you say. “Even though I am just a basic civilian-“

He snorts out a laugh and you grin at him.

“I can imagine how hard it can be in your line of work. But Tom, I’ve already been thinking of this since our first date. It’s not like I’m going completely blind into this. And you’re worth it, okay? Even if you’re an asshole who ignored me for two weeks.”

He ducks his head sheepishly and you shake your head fondly, moving your legs so he can come closer before he leans in to give you a quick kiss. You barely have the time to react and your cheeks redden, before the two of you lean in for another kiss.

Pulling away, Tom lets out a soft sigh and leans his forehead against yours.

“Thanks for giving me a second chance, Y/N. My brothers would have kicked my butt for losing someone as great as you.”

You shrug with your shoulders, a pleased smile on your face. So you did leave a good impression on Harry, despite your initial awkwardness.

“And you would have deserved it,” you point out and he grins, looping his arms around your waist.

“Trust me, I know.”

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[daniellesimagines]

❀❀ a list of lines from every single work-in-progress to be linked later when i actually post them just bc i’m bored ❀❀

ashton irwin

And I get that it may seem obviously to other people, but... I’m not watching this on TV and you’re not here and I don’t know what people are saying about me being my back

If she’s not back by sunset, I’m leaving camp to look for her. And if something happened to her, you’re dead

I don’t care about what everyone else will say -- I care about you and your safety, so you can either stay with me at my place until everything with him is sorted out or I can sleep on your couch, but I am not leaving you alone

She deserves better than that, Ashton! She deserves better than you!

I’m a burden on everybody! That’s why I’m here -- that’s why they threw me in a mental hospital and left!

Nothing ever means anything to you anyway

She’s still my ex! Just because she ‘needed help’ doesn’t make it less weird!

Remember how you said if I needed anything, you’d do it...? C-Can I just have a hug?

You fucking heard me. Stop the fucking car

I’m not dating your ex. I asked her out if that’s what you mean

Maybe you could argue that ‘just friends’ do that too, but it’s not ‘just friends’ when Ashton does it for you

I just... I can’t...handle losing someone right after I almost lost you

Are you tall enough to ride the merry-go-round at the fair by yourself?

I’m all for taking credit for my work, but I’m not taking credit for this because 1) I didn’t do it, and 2) it’s sloppy as hell

She clearly needs someone right now and unfortunately for me, she chose you

I’ve heard your friends talking... I know no one thinks he’s still alive

I may be desperate for money, but I’m not selling my body for some rich, entitled frat guys to jack off to!

If you want to be embarrassed, that’s fine, but I’m not going to stand here and listen to you berate yourself like this

Those spirits at the prison we investigated a couple weeks ago really liked you

awsten knight

What could possibly be so hard for her?! She’s a Princess, for Christ’s sake!

Can’t imagine keeping everything bottled up is any easier than letting someone in

calum hood

I know you don’t like her, but telling her she’s not allowed to hug me around you is fucking ridiculous

Do you make it a habit to spy on people or am I just today’s lucky winner?

You can’t lie just to get me there -- I would have gone anyway

I’m not lying to Calum; I’m just not telling him how I feel

You know how you said I should be falling in love instead of living in that house...? I’m glad it’s gonna be with you

How am I meant to have fun with him around?

You wouldn’t do the things you do if you really loved me

When you’re not here, it’s easier to pretend you still love me

I have a question -- why is that guy looking at his corn dog like that?

Please don’t make me say it again -- the first time was embarrassing enough

If he knew he was going to meet you, he never would have told her those things

I can guarantee you that baby’s not his

I never stopped wanting you either

He wouldn’t have dumped me if he was still in love with me

If you were getting tired of me, you could have just said so

Always knew I’d cry if I met you guys -- just didn’t think this would be the reason

I can’t just not pay you for watching my dog for 5 months

Will you at least let me know what it’s like to kiss you?

Do you know how weird it is to have feelings for your boss?

If they want nothing to do with you, then I want nothing to do with them

Secrets don’t stay that way forever; They all have to come out eventually

He keeps asking if he can call you Mummy

It’s heartbreaking in all the right places

I told you getting the blonde put into your hair was a bad idea

cody carson

The day you get something different from Starbucks is the day I let Pistol sleep in your bedroom

At least I’ve never lied when I told you I love you

Wait, someone tried to kidnap that little girl on your lap?

dacre montgomery

My worst nightmare is disappointing Steve Irwin

damien haas

Am I even on this show right now? Is this all just some freakishly realistic dream?

harry styles

Would you have apologized if your daughter hadn’t made you?

Daddy doesn’t love me anymore

Since when are you afraid of getting rejected? 

jamie follese

I can’t help when I disappear! The cake batter calls to me and I must answer her!

He asks if I love you all the time even though I always say yes

I think I could talk my way out of jail

louis tomlinson

Nothing’s ever scared me more than the thought of losing you

luke hemmings

If I’m feeling this bad about meeting his friends, I don’t know what I’m gonna do when he wants to tell the fans

We’re only here for a few days; You’re just going to have to deal with sharing a bed until we leave

We made a bet on which one of you would confess your feelings first

Even if it wasn’t what he wanted to hear, he still needed to

She closes the store alone tonight -- you didn’t hear it from me

How many strings did my husband have to pull for this?

She doesn’t even want him! She’s only with him because she knows I do!

You know I don’t like when you do this to yourself

I got my ass handed to me by an 11-year-old and her Pokemon master of an aunt

I have nightmares almost every night, but I only come in here when they’re about you

She’s a hostage in a bank robbery! Of course I care about her being in there!

You’re by yourself in the stables at 11pm with tears on your face. Don’t tell me nothing’s wrong

Don’t be mad just because your siblings love me more than they love you

You know that means nothing to me! Stop bragging about having colors!

Even I’m not heartless enough to leave you without a dance partner

marshall traver

Nobody is alone -- not even in this world

You’re only apologizing because I’m the Princess; You wouldn’t be if I were a nobody

maxx danziger

I told him you hate water; I told him and he decided to try and throw you in anyway

Too used to blowing me off on the phone, you forgot how to talk to me in person?

I think they deserve a teacher who wants to see them succeed

If she’s still wearing her ring, she’s clearly not ready to date other people

You’re staying even though my dad’s an idiot, right?

We’re gonna circle back to the fetish thing later because I don’t believe you don’t have one for a second

michael clifford

Wouldn’t want you to stay longer than you have to just because of me

If you never say ‘I love you’ back to me, that’s completely okay

You’ve been crying, kitten; I can tell

Is there any point when you’re not going to be useless to us?

You fired her because you’re in love with her?!

What can I say? His parents are raising him right

Don’t even think about touching my brother again

Hit me like you mean it

Last day of camp -- won’t be able to do this until next summer

I know you paid my rent

Nothing would piss off that asshole more than getting the girl he wants

Since when would he jump at the chance to defend me?

I know you’ve seen how different he is with me now

The first thing I heard when I woke up was ‘I wish that I could wake up with amnesia and forget about the stupid little things’ and I did 

Unlike the girls you sleep with, I actually like being with a guy who can make me cum

It can’t possibly get worse than the hell you’re living right now

I love Michael... Oh my God... Ashton, I’m in love with Michael

Please bless us with this work of art

The only good thing about this tie is that it’s blocking some of the brightness from how pale you are

Why do you even have this song on cassette in the first place?!

She’s safe -- that’s all I’m allowed to say

How did two 11-year-olds manage to pull off the biggest switch ever?

You know they’re not going to let you marry me

I’m not a stranger to staying with people who treat me poorly

If I can handle you, I think I’m prepared for pretty much anything

You make Mumma forget about him and be happy and I like when Mumma’s happy

You said you weren’t going to let go of me

Can you write a song telling your soulmate to be less depressing? It’s really starting to worry me

I’m not stupid; I’ve seen your face -- I know I’m not getting out of this alive

I can either push past you or you can let me go, but I am going to go kiss my wife whether I have your permission or not

Not the worst injury I’ve ever had and definitely won’t be the last

This is not who I expected to be kissing when I put this dress on

ryan follese

Best of luck with your engagement to the Princess

I can’t put myself in a relationship I know won’t last

spencer reid

I didn’t marry a profiler, Spencer! I married you!

Any of us would have gone in to save your daughter -- it just happened to be me this time

tom holland

I know you love me, Tom -- I know you do... But it hurts that you don’t want other people to know it too...

trevor collins

I kinda wanted to wait and see if you were actually real before I said anything...

You may not be irreplaceable to the company, but you’re irreplaceable to me

I know you’re not sick; I know you just said it because you wanted to leave work early

zach dewall

I told you they were gonna be angry when they said it...

[louu-7]

everything i don’t know

on wattpad

CHAPTER 8:

I’m sitting here since maybe half an hour, Sarah came once, to see what happened, but I said that she had to go with the others to enjoy and let me deal with it. I have no idea of what is the solution to these issues, I don’t know if I should stay or come back home, and I don’t know if my Dad’s meant what he said or if it just was to hurt me and make me come back.

I didn’t know words could hurt that much, but I guess I’ll experience even worse in the future, it’s called life, and it’s not supposed to be easy… I mean, for some person everything’s perfect, and beautiful, and kind, but, who’s really believing in this kind of life? Because I gave up for a long time now.

I stopped crying, and I realized I was fucking ridiculous, and stronger than that. Well, I thought that I was stronger than that but I’m weak. “Eh, what happened?” Kie’s voice surprise me as I look at her out of the corner of my eye, incapable of fainting a smile. “Nothing, just enjoy the party, that’s... it doesn’t matter.”

“Girl did you see you? You look like a zombie, I’m not joking.” She laughs a little and sits next to me, putting her hand on my shoulder. “C’mon, what’s wrong?”

“My father, he just wants me to come back, that’s nothing, I’m just ridiculous as fuck right now. I swear I’m not childish I just lost my… my composure.”

“That’s OK, I don’t think you’re a kid, not as much as these guys over there at least, because they’re the craziest kids I know.”

We smile as our eyes sweep the water, with the sun reflection, and the little moves that makes the marsh shine. That’s really relaxing to be here while thinking about my shitty existence. “If you’re not comin’ back home then come with us, you’ll have fun and think about somethin’ else, get up.”

She stands up and takes my hands to encourage me to stand up at my turn, but I raise hesitantly my shoulders. I can’t stop thinking about this situation, I don’t think they can understand how my father can be… scary and just so… cold, even with his own family. “No, I-”

“Thara, you clearly don’t deserve to stay here alone OK, get up and c’mon, let’s have fun!” She smiles at me and I sigh, before standing up under her support. We join the others and I try to keep a smile on my face, even if my eyes are betraying me. “What happen, I though you just were on a call?” John B asks, quit concerned.

“Don’t worry that’s, hum, that’s nothing, just enjoy today. I’m sorry, for the phone, it ruined everything.”

“Nah, it could’ve happen to anyone of you, that’s OK.”

We sit here all and talk while eating a lot of cake, then we put a little bit of music, and the girls are doing an amazing duo when it comes to dance. I never been a good dancer, so I’m just staying here, looking at them both, beaming and smiling to life. Whereas I can’t enjoy, even if I tried.

The stress is just filling me when I starts to think of the conversation I’ll have with my Dad tonight, I’m scared that he completely lock me up, I’m not ready to stop hanging out with these people that I already love for the most part.

The girls are taking me away from my thoughts when they both take one of my hand to make me dance with them. After a while dancing, with the boys running everywhere and screaming the lyrics, and 2:30pm past, we all decide to change and get onto the boat. I send a message to Alyssa where I’m completely beginning her to say to Dad that I came home and that I come back in two hours maximum.

She responds quickly and my heart melt at the second where I read it.

"i do it just bc i love u and i don't want dad to yell at u, but if u wanna hang out b more careful, i'm not onna b able to have ur back everytime. enjoy and b at home in an hour and a half, mom's comin back sooner, love u"

I smile and put back my phone in my back pocket as the boat starts. We continue to have fun and I feel like I finally have a normal life. Pope and John B grab their respective girlfriends and throw them in the water before jumping into it with their clothes on. The smile on my face widen and I sit, looking at them with sparkling eyes and happiness running in my body.

“JJ c’mon bro, the water’s good, Thara, jump!” John B shouts out before Sarah and Kie drown him, laughing at his face when he comes back to the surface. “Guys, come on why aren’t you have a bath it’s John B’s day, let’s enjoy!” Kie looks at JJ and me as I frown and raise my shoulders. “Maybe later, I-”

“No you’re comin’ right now, sorry for you.” John B’s coming and gets back on the boat to grab me, but I stand up and back up, looking at him smiling and determined to put me into the water. “I know it’s your birthday but I’m not in the mood I got some problems and-”

“I don’t care it’s my birthday, just forget your problems.”

“It’s not that easy, if it was I knew it.” I laugh and the border of the boat stop me from back up more. “Aren’t you a little stuck?” He raises his eyebrows and at the moment where I try to run away he catches me and throws me over the boat.

A scream escapes from my mouth and I dive, coming back to the surface as soon as I can and show him my middle finger. “Man it’s the second time, when are you gonna leave me alone?” I laugh and he raises again his shoulders as an answer.

~

I’m home, my mother’s just came back and I didn’t have the time to shower so lets pray, because if she smells the scent of the salt water on my hair I’m dead. We’re in front of the TV with Alyssa when she comes into the room and looks at me nastily. “I apologized, I’m sorry, no need to look at me-”

“Stop.” I grit my teeth a she continues to stare at me like I was nothing. “Please stop because you have no idea what Dad said to me, I think now I understand how I’m the shame of the family.”

“Whatever he told you, you certainly deserved it young girl. You can’t get out of this house, is it clear?”

“Yes, just leave me alone, your all always on my back and I’m tired of-”

“Don’t speak to me like that Thara, I am not responsible of your acts, you wanna be treated like an adult so be an adult, don’t behave like a capricious five years-old girl.”

I don’t respond and let her talk, I don’t want to be arrogant or disrespectful towards her, but with Dad they’re way to harsh on me lately, for nothing. “I hope you enjoyed your little trip because it’ll be the last one before a long time.”

“Yeah, it was pretty cool. Cooler than everything I did with you at least. I must go, I have things to do. Good night.” I stand up and walk to the stairs under the cold look of my dear mother. “Because you don’t eat tonight?”

“No, the call of Dad put me off the food, enjoy the meal without your ridiculous and naive little girl, you’ll be chilled, just the four of you without me.”

I join my room and sigh as I press my back over the door. I don’t know why but every time I’m arguing my heartbeats are so quick that I can barely breath…

My mind suddenly make me think about the gun that I saw in my Dad’s office the other day. I let myself slide against the door and the fact that to have a gun in my house is certainly not a good thing hit me. Why do he owns a fucking gun? Did he killed people? Is it only to protect us?

And, what are they so close to? What could I mess up? All this questions are invading my mind, and I start to imagine a whole bunch of horrible things they could do. Are they really at the head of a vineyard or is it something else? Like a drug network. Oh my God, no, that’s not possible. Is this like, a quest to find someone? And are they killing people who knows to much or who don’t know anything?

Are Isaac and Alyssa aware of this damn secret? No, Aly would talk to me about it, I’m almost sure of it. But what if Isaac is in, and not Alyssa because they know that I’m closer to her than to Isaac?

The whole thing is saying that they’re fucking scared of me or of what I could do. And it’s obvious, I’m rejected of everything, they all can go outside, so maybe they’re meeting somewhere to talk about drug, or about a dark business like killing people for money, or anything else.

I wince and a feeling of being sick is taking me, as I feel more and more sickened by all this thing. I don’t have any proof, except the gun, and this conversation, but I need to know more about this thing that they’re hiding from me.

~

It’s later in the evening, I had a shower and finished my book, but I have to admit my stomach hurts so bad, the lack of food in my body’s gonna killing me if I don’t eat anything before sleep, so I decided to go to the kitchen.

The thing is, on my way I heard voices in my Dad’s office, and I’m actually listening to a conversation between my whole family, without me. Everything’s OK. I can’t hear everything but it’s so weird, they’re talking about some gold and places where it could be hiding at the moment. Neither my family’s completely crazy nor I’m off beam. “We’re really close, I think we’re on the right path.”

Be on the right path for what? This “gold”. I can’t believe that shit, there’s no gold on this island, nothing. I sigh, tired of waiting in front of the door since forever, and go to the kitchen to get me some food. The chocolate catch my eyes but I hold myself back and pick a fruit smoothie and some pancakes.

The door’s opening and the voices get louder. They’re pretty good actors though, I’d never though they were hiding something big from me.

“What are you doing here this late?”

“Hi, Dad, how are you since our little call? I hope it felt good to insult me and unleashed your anger at me.”

“Don’t start to get on my nerves and go to sleep.”

“Yeah, because I’m ridiculous, I play the perfect little girl. Or maybe the coward, I don’t remember.”

“Thara please, I got a long day.”

“Oh, me too. At least I have friends to talk to, we’re not all lonely as fuck.” I don’t bat an eye and he loudly sigh as I walk next to him.” Good night, daddy.

Maybe sometimes they’ll understand what I want them to understand, in other word that I want to be treated like Isaac and Alyssa, not like a little capricious girl. I’m not this kind of person but they keep on pretending I am in front of everyone. Anyway I come back to my room and eat my snack before putting myself under my sheets and fall asleep like a baby.

~

Footsteps don’t stop to resonate since an eternity and even if I managed to fall back asleep three times this night with these sounds and my Dad’s voice, I’m not gonna do it a fourth time. I get up, the floor is freezing my whole body as I slowly walk to my door to open it and glance over the corridor. Nothing. He’s downstairs, fuck…

I walk like a zombie to join the stairs but the front door’s opening make me stop, even step back a little not to be seen. What the hell… Two men are coming in as my Dad’s welcoming them discreetly, they talk a little, whispering, and I can’t hear anything from where I am.

Their loud footsteps make me think they’re joining the living room, or the kitchen, and they start to talk aloud. Who are they? And what the fuck are they talking about at 4pm… I sit on the first step of the stairs and listen with attention their conversation.

The gold again, what’s the point? Is really there some million dollars hiding somewhere on the island? No way, that’s just not possible, not in our world. We’re not in a movie.

“Thara, what are you doing here?”

hii! sorry for the little waiting, i finally saw my family bc lockdown is over in France, i took a lil bit of time for me. this chapter's not good but i worked a lot on the plot lately, a lot of thing's gonna happen soon, at least i hope ^^

i hope everything's good for you, i hope your family's good too and, yeah, love uu thank u to read me, byye!

[letswritebangtan]

Hii can i get a namjoon angst drabble with a fluff ending with 5, 14, and 40? Idk if youre going to be able to make it but thank you anyways 💜💚 (idkifmygrammarwasrightplsdontminditjtiridjgj)

wow ur so creative honestly it just makes writing even more fun!!

also dude, ur grammar…better than Shakespeare so i don’t see an issue

Prompts: “You haven’t even touched your food. What’s going on?” 

                 “Take. It. Off.”

                 “Don’t apologize if you don’t mean it.”

“Where do you want to hang the ribbons, y/n?” your best friend Jimin asked you as he held up the violet coloured string against the wall, checking to see if it fit. 

You shrugged, “Wherever you want.”

You didn’t mean to seem uncaring but you were just exhausted. You were getting married this weekend to your other half, Namjoon. You loved that boy with your entire heart and you couldn’t wait to tie the knot with him, but wedding planning wasn’t the most enlightening activity. People were always asking you questions, there were so many decisions to make, so many things to arrange, and the list just goes on and on. However, there was one thing that really concerned you, and that was your weight. by the wAy you really shouldn’t be because you’re absolutely damn beautiful ok? end of discussion.

You had found a perfect dress a few months ago, and you felt blessed to find a dress that complimented you beautifully. But, you did feel like the dress squeezed a little too hard at the wrong places, and you were very conscious about whether your stomach protruded the front of the dress, or whether your arms looked too flabby being held by the sleeves. When you said those things, your family was like r u dumb? but in a sort of nicer way, you know what I mean? They told you that it was nonsense and you looked stunning, which you did by the way, but sometimes those thoughts linger at the back of your mind and come out in the worst of times. Like now. 

“Okay, I get it. Wedding planning taking a toll on you, huh? Well that’s not a problem, my friend, know why? Because your best friend in the whole entire world is going to take you out for some tea and cakes. What do you say?” Jimin asked as he extended his hand out toward you. 

You smiled weakly at him, “You sound super British like that. Tea and cakes? Seriously?”

He chuckled, “Hey it sounds fancy, okay?”

You nodded and then sighed softly, “Yeah, thanks, Jimin, but I’m not really hungry.”

“You don’t have to be hungry to have tea,” he tried to reason. 

You shook your head, “I’m just not feeling it, Jimin.”

He frowned slightly and let his shoulders drop. He nodded understandingly and then took your hands, pulling you up. 

“Okay, then how about we take a walk by the river? Then have some ice cream?” he suggested. 

“No, no ice cream,” you groaned. 

“Alright, alright! Just a walk then?” he pleaded. 

“Okay, a walk sounds nice,” you said thankfully, and let Jimin lead you out of the hall. 

You’ve been watching what you ate lately. You really wanted to lose every inch of extra fat that you had so that you could look nice in your dress. But you overdid it. You starved yourself too much, that you constantly felt weak and sometimes even dizzy. You felt so dead inside, like there was no energy to keep you going. ya obviously bc ur not eating, god dammit y/n, ur fam was right, u dumb but u also beautiful as hell woman.

Jimin noticed your change in behaviour, in fact, most people did. Even Namjoon could sense that something was bothering you, but every time anyone asked you about it, you’d just shrug them off. You were determined to look good in that dress, and so you ate nothing but a few slices of fruit and some water everyday. Most of the time you’d skip breakfast, and by the time lunch came around you were practically starving, but you didn’t want to eat. how stubborn tsk tsk.

Whenever people offered you food, you’d decline, not wanting any extra calories entering your system. The thought of eating put you off, and you got annoyed and irritated with people when they’d tried to get you to eat something. 

“y/n, are you sure you’re okay? You don’t look well,” Jimin asked concerned. 

“I’m fine, I just need to sleep it off,” you shrugged. 

“I don’t think you’re tired, y/n. I mean, it’s not the tiredness that’s causing this. It’s something else. You look terribly unwell,” Jimin said seriously. 

You huffed, “Jimin, I’m fine, really-”

“You’re not eating, y/n,” he cut you off. 

You shot him a stare, a very angry and disappointed one. 

“Just leave it alone, Jimin.”

The two of you didn’t say another word to each other as Jimin walked you home. You felt bad for arguing with him, he was just looking out for you. You reached the entrance of the apartment building and turned to Jimin to thank him for walking you home. He just nodded and gave you a small awkward smile, and then left. You groaned inwardly at how mean and stupid you were being. You made it a point to make it up to him tomorrow. As you walked into the building, you saw Namjoon waiting at the lobby. He turned to you and smiled, and you grinned back at him, walking over so that he could pull you into his arms. 

“Hi, baby. I didn’t think you’d be back so soon,” Namjoon said as he kissed the top of your head. 

“I was feeling a little tired, so I thought I’d leave the decorating for tomorrow,” you sighed and looked up at him. He was at least a head taller than you. 

Then you looked over and saw him carrying a white bag. You frowned in confusion and pointed to it, “What’s that?”

Namjoon glanced at the bag and then back to you. “Oh, I brought us dinner. It’s been a long time since we sat down and ate together, just the two of us, so I bought some of your favourites. I thought we could catch up on your favourite shows and munch on these.”

The mentioning of food made you feel slightly sick. 

“Oh, Joon, why didn’t you tell me you were getting dinner? I’m not really that hungry, I don’t think I could eat anything right now,” you said slightly panicked. 

He frowned, “But it’s only seven. And all you ate for lunch were some apples, right? Did you have anything after that?”

“I, um, no I didn’t, but I’m really quite full,” you tried to reason. 

He shook his head, “No, y/n, you need to eat. Plus I already bought all this food, I can’t let it go to waste. Just eat some of it, at least. Please, babe?”

You sighed in defeat. You had already fought with Jimin, you didn’t want to upset Namjoon too. Maybe you’d eat like five grains of rice and a little bit of soup. That didn’t sound too bad. five grains of rice??????? wtfdjskddjs

Once inside the apartment, Namjoon went to prepare the plates and scooped some food onto yours before bringing it back to the sofa where you were trying to find something nice to watch. He handed you the plate and your stomach churned just looking at that pile of calories. You took the plate from him hesitantly and mumbled a small ‘thanks’ and he sat down next to you with his own food. The two of you watched the movie as you ate, but you had hardly eaten a spoonful of anything. Namjoon was already finished with his food when he saw that the food on your plate was untouched. 

“Everything okay, y/n?” he asked concerned. 

You looked at him and smiled, “Yeah, all good.”

He nodded back at you and then went to the kitchen to do the dishes. From the kitchen, Namjoon saw that you were picking apart grains of rice on your plate, and pushing some meat aside, but you weren’t actually eating anything. Then he took in your figure. You were so damn skinny, you felt like a pile of bones. He felt how weak you were when he hugged you earlier, and your face just wasn’t as bright anymore. It was dull, weakened, you looked starved. Namjoon thought back to these past few months, and he realised that he never saw you eat a proper meal, not even once. Your excuses were that you weren’t hungry, or that you had already eaten, but Namjoon wasn’t with you 24/7 to observe what you ate everyday. Since the wedding was coming up, the two of you had to run around and sort out different things, so Namjoon would always call to ask if you’ve eaten and you would always say yes but who’s to say that you actually did?

It saddened him very much, to see his soon to be wife look almost malnourished. He figured he’d have to ask you about it now, and this time he wasn’t going to let you shrug it off so easily. So he marched back into the living room, and turned off the television before sitting next to you. 

“Hey, what was that for?” you asked. 

“y/n,” he sighed, “You haven’t even touched your food. What’s going on?”

You paused for a moment, looking down at your plate, and then faced him again. 

“Nothing’s wrong, Joon. I’m just not hungry,” you said calmly.

“Well why aren’t you hungry, y/n?” he asked in a more serious tone. 

You took a deep breath and then exhaled loudly, placing your plate on the coffee table. 

“If this is about wasting the food then-”

“y/n, this is not about the food. It’s about you. Why aren’t you eating?”

You huffed, “What is it with people forcing me to eat all the time? I’ll eat when I want to!”

“You’re starving yourself,” he snapped. 

You looked at him angrily, “Am not!”

“Yes, you are, y/n! I haven’t seen you eat a proper meal in months. Whenever people offer you food, you reject it. Whenever someone asks you out for breakfast, lunch, dinner, whatever it may be, if it involves food, you don’t want it. Why? Why is that, y/n? What the hell are you up to?” he argued. 

That’s when you let a tear fall. You stood up and began to walk towards the stairs but Namjoon held your hand tightly and pulled you back. 

“I won’t let you walk away from it this time, y/n. You have to tell me what’s going on. I’m really worried about you, we all are! Just look at you y/n, you look so fragile as if me just holding you could shatter you into pieces. This is extremely bad for you,” he said holding you tightly. 

You exhaled shakily and let out a small sob. “Namjoon, let me go.”

“You know I can’t do that,” he said sympathetically. 

You let your head fall onto Namjoon’s shoulder and he held you firmly, caressing the back of your head. You cried and cried while he rubbed your back, soothing you. You let everything out, all your pent up anger and sadness, all your pain, all the frustrations you felt towards yourself, you cried it all out. 

“You’re right,” you wailed. “Oh god, you’re so right. I’m sorry, Joon, I really am.”

He sighed, “Baby, don’t apologize if you don’t mean it.”  

“I wanted to look nice in the dress,” you cried, struggling to breathe properly. 

“You mean the wedding dress?” he asked in confusion. 

You nodded, sniffling. 

“y/n, what are you talking about? That dress looked gorgeous on you, so much that it appalled everyone. Do you know how much I wish I was there to see it?”

“B-but it shows my stomach, a-and it makes me look big-”

“y/n,” he stopped you. “Who told you those things, hm?”

You sighed, “No one.”

“Did anyone ever tell you how insanely beautiful you are? Inside, and out?” he asked as he tucked a stray strand of hair behind your ear. 

“N-no,” you faltered.

He tutted, “Are you sure?”

You looked up at him and he was smiling softly down at you. He was cupping your cheeks in his big hands, wiping the tears running down your face. 

You laughed softly, “You. You did.”

He nodded, “That’s right, baby.”

“There is nothing wrong with you, y/n. Absolutely nothing. There should never be a reason for you to do such a thing to yourself. I love you so, so much, and only because you’re you. You are everything that I could possibly want, and I’m honestly so lucky to have you. So don’t even think about changing yourself in any way because I love this,” he paused to pinch the sides of your hips, making you squeal.

“And this,” he continued, and then moved his hands down to squeeze your ass, making you laugh wholeheartedly. 

“And this,” he said moving his hands to your breasts but you were quick to stop him, making the two of you burst into a fit of giggles. 

Then he moved his hands to your face, squeezing your cheeks, “Also this,” he murmured, and then moved forward to kiss your lips. 

“I love all of this. I’m in love with all of you, y/n,” he breathed out finally.

You looked up at your fiancé with so much adoration, and let out another small cry. 

“Baby, no, why are you crying now?” he asked concerned, quickly wiping the tears from your cheeks. 

“I just, I love you so much, Joon. I don’t know what I did to deserve you,” you sniffled. 

He smiled softly at you, and kissed you again, pouring all of his love and lust into the kiss. Soon the two of you were kissing each other feverishly, hands everywhere. Namjoon pulled away first, gasping for air. 

“y/n, I want to see you,” he said breathily. 

You gasped and looked at him eyes half closed, “Are you sure?”

“Yes, baby. If I can, that is?” he asked carefully. 

“Of course you can,” you groaned and kissed him again. 

Namjoon pulled your shirt off of your body, and then moved to unclasp your bra, but um, he was taking too long.

“Take. It. Off.” you groaned impatiently. 

“It’s not my fault these things are so complicated,” he whined. 

You loved your sweet and silly fiancé. 

ok joon. we get it

I hope this was okayy I tried my best. thank you so much for requesting! do help to like and reblog pretty please

[clean-bands-dirty-stories]

Wait... WHAT?(Richie)(Part 10)(final)

A/n: Awardnessss aheaaaaaaaaad!! I also SUPER suggest “Middle of Love” by Leland & VICINT for this bc I listened to it on repeat while writing this haha

Anon: Pidge

Word Count: 1750 (whew bless)

When I go to the arcade, I almost face planted after almost crashing as I hurried to get off my bike and to Richie. But I did get inside. He was playing a game, surrounded by people cheering him on. He was about to beat the record on the game so I bounced a little from foot to foot trying to keep myself in place and not ruin his opportunity while also not losing my courage. When he beat it cheering went out but he just kept going, his hands moving quickly as he grinned and laughed. A girl with a ponytail and oversized jean jackets leaned close, eyes wide with awe as he played.

And that was when my courage left me. He lost and turned around to get his congratulations and the machine boasted of his newly made top score. Our eyes locked and he saw me shaking and my frown and his smile was gone instantly. I didn’t pause before surging out of the arcade as fast as I could. Despite my usual ease in weaving my way to the exist of the arcade, Richie had super long legs and despite the people pulling on him to congratulate him, he was determined as well, and nothing got in the way of something he was REALLY set on getting. So as I reached for my bike, his hand caught my wrist and he turned my to face him, eyes already searching mine. “Hey, hey hey hey. Why are you upset?”

Immediately going to play it off, I order a laugh. “Oh, never mind, I was just really stuff on this math problem and homework’s due tomorrow but then I saw you were busy so I was going to head to Ben’s for help, he’s just not as good at explaining it so-“

He grabbed my face in both of his hands. “You’re babbling and not looking me in the eye,” he accused. “Also, we have the same math class and I helped you finished today’s homework yesterday.” I bit my lip. “Y/n, what’s wrong?” I tried to look away and he huffed. “You promised, y/n/n.” This time it was soft and when I looked at him again, he was smiling gently. His hands dropped from my face and I sighed.

Running a hand through my hair, I tried to think of how to word it. How I felt and all I was thinking and everything that was going on. “Did you know that when I first saw you guys, I thought I was in love with Bill and I used to admire him from a distance like a fucking moron because I was too shy and thought I was boring and plain and would never catch his attention so why even bother?”

Richie squinted his eyes. “Wait... what?”

I panicked, looking at my eyes as my right worked my fingers against my left wrist as if the wrist was my neck and I was trying to kill myself so I wouldn’t have to experience this moment. Ever. “W- well, when I met him and got to know him, I... I realized I didn’t love him, you know? Because I didn’t even know him how could I even properly like him? But love him? Preposterous...” I tugged at my hair again as Richie looked at me with more deflated confusion than I’d ever seen on a person. He may have been more confused than when we started this. Why couldn’t I ever just say what I meant?!

Describe Richie, Y/n.

“Okay?” Richie prompted, not as patient as Bill or Stan was and unable to wait for me to figure out what I wanted to say.

So I just began. “You... you have this smile,” I croaked. “A smile that lights up a whole room. And these eyes that hold more life and energy than I thought a human body could hold without bursting.” My eyes closed tightly and I whispered, my voice shaking. “When you laugh, you tif your head all the way back and your whole body shakes, but only in private because you’re self conscious of your laugh. In public, you usually ‘oooooh’ or click your tongue or whistle or chuckle. I find myself doing finger guns all the time and making dirty jokes and being more energetic and lively or fidgeting with my hair because I don’t have glasses to reach up and touch. You’re so contagious ad bright and heaven you’re so smart.” I opened my eyes, meeting his. “When I saw Bill without knowing him, it wasn’t as in technicolor or as much detail as I see you. I thought I was in love with Bill until I grew up a little and got to know him and then got to know YOU and you. You taught me what love means.” My body realer. “I’m in love with you, Richie. Love love.” He just started at me for a very long time. I frowned, deflating. Had I confused him even more? “Rich? Richie?” I snapped my fingers in front of his face. “Richie!” I stomped my foot like a toddler, placing my hands on my hips. My eyes watered. Was this my rejection? “Richard Tozier you anger me right this second!”

It was probably my near hysterics that finally got to him. “Wait- what?” He sounded like he was half asleep, blinking and shaking his head to clear his mind.

Tears gathered in my eyes and I found myself getting anxious. I wasn’t ready to be rejected. Not in public like this, after people around us were looking between us in what they thought was a discreet way after hearing my confession and seeing the lack of his in return. “Look I understand if you don’t feel the same, I’m really only what I am because of you. Without you I’m so dumb and boring and plain and you only took to me because I have patience and tolerance and never get tired of you, I get it. I... God, Richie, SAY something before I-“

He suddenly jumped into action, his hands on my face again but this time firmer, gripping differently. Instead of having each of his palms on my cheeks, or of his hands seemed to wrap toward the back of my head, fingers slipping into my hair. And then he was kissing me as I registered his other hand resting on the part that connected my jaw to my neck, his thumb rushing against where my jaw met my cheek. He was kissing em and I couldn’t breathe or move or do anything except kiss him back, my hands going to hook in his belt loops to pull him closer so there was as little space between us as possible, kissing him back.

“GEEZ GUYS GET A ROOM!” We jumped part as a grinning Eddie walked up, looking between us with a blushing Ben behind him. “Took you guys fucking long enough,” he complained. “But spare the entire town from having to see you suck each other’s faces off. God.” We all laughed, Richie and I blushing even worse then Ben. “We were planing on meeting at the diner for lunch in a few minutes. Are you two losers coming?”

“Yeah of course,” Richie managed with absolute ease as if he wasn’t totally about to die of embarrassment, his insides roiling and his grin so wide it hurt. Eddie rolls his eyes and then he and Ben go on their way, Richie following behind them. He pauses, reaching back to y stuff, still form to interlace our fingers. Except, unlike how we usually hold hands, his thumb grazes over my knuckles and it feels WONDERFULLY different. “Come on, Princess we’ve been yelled at enough.” I follow him, running a hand through my hair to try and dispel the overwhelming shock I was experiencing. When we got to the diner I thought I was finally put together when he pulled me to a stop before we entered. “By the way, I love you too.” I looked at him, immediately malfunctioning again. He leaned close, pecking me on the cheek as I registered the feeling of his lips almost touching my ear as his breath fell against my skin and the way the feeling of him and his warm and his closeness mixed with the words made me shiver.

As we wet through the doors I asked quietly, still somewhat panicking in a whole new, wonderful kind fo way, “Does this mean we’re dating?” I looked at him hopefully.

He laughed, in between his public chuckle and his private outburst of happiness. “We were on the same wya of thinking, Princess.” He winked and I marveled at how he always managed to light up my insides, making the room warmer and brighter and making me feel twenty pounds lighter. As his words sunk in, I swore I was floating. “HEY GUYS THIS IS MY GIRLFRIEND! YEAH SORRY MAKE WAY, MY LADY IS COMING THROUGH!” I went pale, eyes widening as the pretty big crowd in the diner made a way, either annoyed or jealous or giggling at Richie’s loudmouth ways and my outrageous blush. “SORRY GUYS BEAUTIFUL WOMAN COMING THROUGH MAKE WAY! MAKE WAY FOT THE PRINCESS OF MY HEART!”

“OH my god Richie, BEEP BEEP,” I seethed, trying to hide my face as we approached our friends, who were all laughing as hard as Richie was. They looked happy for us, though. Proud even. And as we settled next to Ben and Mike, across from Stan and Bill (Stan had his arm on the chair behind Bill and they were being discreet but I could totally tell Bill’s hand was on Stan’s leg under the table) who were sat next to Eddie.

Mike leaned forward, laughing. “So, you two have some explaining to do.”

Stab gave me a grin that was both shit eating mischievous and knowing with a hint of pride and I groaned. When Richie gave me a kiss on the cheek and a wink, I lay my head on the table face down, covering myself with my arms as I contained my groaning by louder and my friends - and my BOYFRIEND - all laughed too loud ad too long. Just the way I liked him.

Despite how happy I really was, though, for how embarrassed as I was now, I was SO getting Richie back for this later...

...And boy did I.

But that’s a story for another time.

[epipenis]

I really really didn’t want the night to end like this. With me crying in my car after barely making it out without anybody noticing me starting to fall apart. I hate how desperately I tried to conceal it. I hate how alone I felt. I hate how much I wanted it to just end, I hate how I ran away not to let myself cry but to get out as inconspicuously as possible. I hate how I tried to set boundaries and shriveled into myself. I hate how much I wanted it to end. I hate how I’m still here crying. I hate how I tried so hard to cover my tracks and feel like I have no where to go. I hate playing the wounded animal.

Am I really this fucking stupid, this fucking dumb.

I care about you so much and that hurts in so so many ways, and yet I do it, bc my dumb ass believes that you care about me back somehow with no explicit permissions to believe so. I fucking hate this. I almost wish I didn’t care about you. I’m so fucking tired of being told that there’s something wrong with me because I care about you. I’m so fucking tired of some of the people I’m closest to in my life telling me how much better I could do and that I’m subjecting myself to letting you drag me around and play me and use me when I genuinely care about you so much. I’m so fucking tired of this. It hurts so god damn much.

Why. Why the fuck are they hurting me, why the fuck am I hurting myself. Do you even care about me? If you did none of this would matter, I can’t justify or give a fucking essay about why caring about you is justified, I just do, because it’s you, and I wish that were good enough for anybody, at this point including myself.

If not am I really the biggest fool out there, would you hurt me that way? Would you even know that you’re hurting me? Should I have been clearer with you? Is this ultimately a fault of my own.

…

I’m sorry. I’m sorry I care about you. I’m sorry I’ve done this to either of us. I’m sorry. Because fuck this hurts so much and I’m so fucking tired of it.

Please stop hurting me. Somebody, please.

I don’t know if I’m pleading to myself or not. I don’t know who I’m pleading to. I don’t know who’s right and who’s wrong. All I know is I hurt. Please please please I’m fucking begging for you to stop hurting me.

I’m so tired of playing myself and getting hurt and for nothing. I’m so tired to being so hurt. I’m so tired of feeling lonely- a lonely that comes from hurt, from nothing. From rejection, from isolation, from being othered, from being cast aside. From trying. From wanting. From wishing. From hoping.

Maybe one day-

… I can’t tell if I should be trying to crush that thought or not anymore

[littlebabycrybtch]

ok ik bitches are still going to complain but i gotta rant to keep my shit together;;; ngl after being stuck co-raising two babies now i really feel genuinely Disgusted by unnecessary parent critique. like it actually makes me feel so viscerally upset and depressed when i remember nobody gets this or cares to and probably just wants to call out what im doing wrong, instead of lend me a hand to do it better. man im not treading lightly here the ‘no excuses’ mentality is literally Inhumane to parents and dehumanizes them as these superhumans, they arent, they are people trying to take care of themselves Plus One. there Are ‘excuses’ for not being perfect. just bc every child deserves perfect doesnt mean it can be given and that fucking SUCKS but that is one of the only times im comfortable saying; ‘thats just life’. you cant magically make life better for kids the way you think, you’re not a protector, you’re their Rock to teach them How to DEAL with what life brings, that means you’re allowed to struggle with it too. childcare is like this cosmic design to work you physically and mentally to the brink, fucking forget the normalization of how many people you think you’ve seen raise kids and done fine, it is harder than you can even fathom. they probably did not do fine behind closed doors. the parents with the best behaved and most obedient kids probably did harmful things to make them that way that will eventually come back to them, the parents with the happiest most well adjusted kids probably had the money to provide the extra care for that. there are ‘excuses’. idc if it fucking annoys you or w/e, i dont like being the bitch that says stuff nobody wants to hear, but you truly deeply cannot 100% understand unless you are raising kids, i dont say that to hurt your feewings or exclude you, i used to think that way, i say it bc when you see me passed out on the couch while my nephew gets into something dangerous, its because i got one hour of sleep that night while he kicked me in our bed for 4 hours. he cant help not knowing how that affects both of us, but i cant help being affected by it just cuz im supposed to be ~the big strong adult~, bc i am not a fucking xman. i CANT pretend it all away. while im sitting there napping im also waiting for my mental health meds to start working. im also dizzy from not eating. it sucks that he gets into shit sometimes. hes still gonna get into shit sometimes, and i can do my best, but if i sit here worrying that karens are gonna get pissed abt that and work myself even harder im gonna straight up explode. who does that help. who does me falling apart help. come babysit my kid for free if you wanna help me bitch!

parents are doing twice the work of a normal person while also teaching one of these people theyre caring for, how to BE a person. i used to be SO pro judging parents and im literally nauseated by the judgments now. “i cant believe this parent looked away and their kid got hurt, i cant beleive they just leave them there with a tablet or a snack or a toy while they nap, i cant believe they let them do that, i cant believe--” btich you literally have no idea how lucky you are that they are not both already dead. you are so lucky tehy are both alive and the parent isnt hospitalized for mental health or even physical exhaustion, or addicted to a stimulant (which includes caffeine), or using smth to relax like weed or alcohol (hello wine mom culture), or the kid isnt traumatized from watching their parent have repeatd breakdowns. that is literally better than most situations already. no matter how impossibly perfect the family could be in your mind, kids fuckin get hurt and they make mistakes and the PARENTS make mistakes bc theyre PEOPLE and yall this blows my mind that ppl dont realize this but,,,,, Little kids??? THEY DO NOT LISTEN TO THEIR PARENTS bc they essentially CANT..... for like YEARS there is a period they WILL NOT LISTEN TO YOU at ALL while they have the full autonomy and smarts and strength to cause horrible consequential problems, they are capable of learning how to circumnavigate your ‘babyproofing’ in new ways every single day, but they have ZEROOOOO MORALS OR CAUSE AND EFFECT SKILLS to understand RIGHT FROM WRONG, NO MATTER HOW OFTEN YOU TELL THEM!!!!! IT WONT CHANGE, ITS LITERALLY A PHYSICAL BRAIN THING THAT THEY CANT LEARN WHAT ‘NO’ MEANS FOR A WHILE YET!!! THIS CAN LAST FROM AGE 1 TO 4, SOMETIMES LONGER! THATS GENUINELY INSANITY INDUCING FOR THE ADULT WHOS KEEPING THEM IN LINE HUNDREDS OF TIMES A DAY, KNOWING ITS AMOUNTING TO ALMOST NOTHING UNTIL YEARS LATER!!!! IT DOESNT HELP WHEN PPL JUDGE YOU AND DONT BELEIVE YOU AND THINK YOU JUST ARENT ~TRYING HARD ENOUGH~! holy FUCK dude, idc if you wanna judge, im losing it bc i am being forced to keep my cool while a child whos pinching me and genuinely HURTING and BRUISING me laughs in my face bc he truly DOES NOT KNOW this, and there is NO WAY for me to convey it to make him stop at the moment!!!! thats maddening!!!

listen to me, neither of you dying or experiencing lasting damage is literally the goal every day, not just ‘raising them’, but that you both survive to the end of it. im appalled by how different the lifestyle is and the way ppl just... dont know that/REJECT that information so they get to judge. ofc tiny vulnerable innocent kids deserve the best, parents cannot always provide that if they want to Survive, bc they also deserve , basic understanding and humanity. you call out abuse all you want, theres a difference between the 'lesser of two evils’ choices, or even the genuinely Bad choices you can Accidentally make when at your wits end (which you should immediately correct anyways), and ever causing intentional physical or mental harm to the child, but the secodn yall start nitpicking or blatantly being ignorant to a struggle just so you get your blame validation in i literally cannot AFFORD to give you the time of day, im busy running on minutes of sleep, so if you think i have enough free time to entertain ur whining that my kids got a messy face and has been on his tablet in a highchair for an hour or w/e, idc, im using that time to shower for the first time in 2 weeks bc nobody else is gonna be there for me to let me do that shit :) so frankly put your money where your mouth is and help struggling parents whenever you can. i cant make shit better out of thin air.

“oh, but i dont have the money to help you.” YOU THINK IM AFFORDING CHILDCARE?? YOU CAN COME OVER AND HELP DIRECTLY WHILE I DO CHORES. “oh, but i dont wanna babysit for my friends, i dont like kids.” OH REALLY?????? OH YOU DONT LIKE KIDS??? BC THEYRE DIFFICULT MAYBE ??? SO MAYBE YOU SHOULDNT JUDGE WHEN ITS HARD THEN????? LIKE YOU RLY THINK JUST ‘LIKING THEM’ SUDDENLY MAKES IT EASY FOR ME?? YOU THINK ME FINDING MY NEPHEW CUTE AND LOVING HIM AND HIS LAUGHTER GIVES ME FUCKING SUPERMAN POWERS TO DEAL WITH THIS???????? “but You chose to have kids” rt in my case i literally didnt and would be homeless if not offering to help care for them but HEY COOL CONCEPT PRO CHOICE KINDA FUCKIN INCLUDES WHEN PEOPLE ‘CHOOSE’ TO HAVE KIDS EVEN WHEN THEY STRUGGLE AFTER, TOO LATE TO FUCKIN COMPLAIN NOW, JUST HELP A BITCH OUT. LIke... bro BRO b R O im losing it stop giving parents the inspiration porn treatment while disrespecting the actual struggles they go thru any time the child actually suffers bc they are unable to shield them from their struggle. can i be real, life literally will not go without struggle. you cannot raise them to have a life better than what the world is, you can do your best but you really cant MAKE it fair. once again this is not a ‘raise the perfect child’ contest you are just . trying to raise them at all. its messy. every single day you will have successes and failures, and you’ll be running on empty, and you’ll be doing that just to make it through to do it again tomorrow, while it slowly (AGONIZINGLY SLOWLY) gets easier each day. im tired of pretending lmao i dont wanna hear you bitches judge parents anymore, i dont wanna hear the stupid ass ‘im allowed to’ shit anymore dude!!!!! for gods sake i can agree with you when some shits just plain wrong but ill never apologize for standing up for myself or other struggling parents even if it makes you uncomfy, i can care about Both the child and the parent at the same time, ig i wont ask you why you seemingly cant. 😶 ESPECIALLY when things like classism and ableism tie in so often with these situations. not to mention racism like im white but hoooo if i hear one more story about a black parents ‘negligence’ in efforts of just trying to help their family, like leaving their kids somewhere during a job interview or w/e, vs the white parents that LET THEIR 10 YR OLDS WANDER AROUND MALLS BY THEMSELVES... im gonna scream. im gonna fuckin scream. its so unfair. fuck off, stop the spiteful ignorance, change this shitty hateful culture.

tldr; you Can care about kids while respecting parents, even when they arent perfect. you can advocate for children while also advocating for parents, and in fact, you should fucking try.

[shinwnn]

just friends au jimin

summary: basically you and jimin are the cutest best friends ever and youd be a perfect couple and he sees that and you kinda see that but you don’t wanna be in a relationship rn (why?? i dunno what r u thinking)

you’ve been studying all night for your finals tmrw and at 3 am you finally decide to go to bed 

you check your phone before going to sleep and see a message jimin sent you 4 hours earlier 

“power through!! this test is going to be a piece of cake for you”

with whatever energy you had left, you tried to type out a message

 but your eyes were already half way closed at this point so it came out like

“thsnkd jimn ilovek u good mnigjt“

and as soon as the text goes out you cringe a little bc jimin has been your best friend for years and yes, you love him, but a few weeks ago when he asked if you guys could be more than friends you rejected him

so this sleepy “ilovek u” felt like you were taunting him 

when you get a text back though, you let out a breath you didnt know you were holding bc jimin doesn’t seem to notice at all

“don’t stay up so late next time okay? you need to take care of yourself. good luck on the test! :~) ily2” 

you smiled to yourself and cuddled up against a stuffed polar bear he won you at the carnival a few months ago before you fell asleep with the warmest feeling in the world

(one that you’ve noticed that only your best friend can bring you for some reason)

what you don’t know is how hard it was for jimin to type out that last text

he was in the practice room working on his piece for his big national dance competition and was beating himself up over not being able to do a small part as good as he wanted to

but all the anger, stress & frustration he was building up faded away when he saw you had texted him

and when he saw your poor attempt at an “i love you” his heart fluttered but immediately dropped

last week, while you guys were at your favorite cafe doing homework (which you guys always did at least twice a week), jimin looked up from his essay to see you staring so intently at a math problem and he couldn’t help but just smile and be overwhelmed with love

he is just SO fond of u and he shows you that everyday with how much he cares about you but it hurts him that he hasn’t been able to tell you that he loves u as so much more

and he had known that he liked you as more than a friend right when you started hanging out

but something about that moment with you sitting across from him, ur messy hair, tired eyes and all, he just wants to tell u that it doesn’t matter how many dancing competitions he doesn’t place at, or how many sleepless nights he spends practicing bc you make everything good. you’re comfortable for him and you’re home to him and he loves you

and while this is all going through his head he’s just looking at you

when u look up from your work and meet his gaze you raise your eyebrows at him and look at him expectantly bc he seems like he REALLY wants to say something right now

you: what?

jimin: what?

you: you look like you have something really important to say

jimin: i just can’t stop thinking about the fact that alaska has more caribou than people. it’s just so ......fascinating

and you roll your eyes but you can’t help but laugh bc jimin’s face is lit up and seeing you laugh just makes him smile even more and you can’t help but wonder if this is the world’s brightest smile

but still, you know your best friend well and you know that jimin’s joking to cover up what’s really on his mind, so you keep pushing him to tell you

and he doesn’t want to, mostly because he’s really afraid of what happens next

you turn your attention back to your work, knowing that he’ll break eventually

but what you don’t expect is how quickly he does

bc hearing your laugh and watching you wrinkle your nose in the cutest way he’s ever seen gave him a sudden boost of confidence 

so he leans forward across the table and quietly says

“hey... i like you.. a lot”

you look up again, wide eyed, and see how hopeful he looks and you just... freeze

bc ofc you’ve thought about this. 

ofc everytime jimin walked you home or stayed up late to listen to you rant or brought you lunch when he knew you weren’t eating enough you’ve thought about what an amazing boyfriend he’d be

and everytime you guys can tell what the other is thinking through just a look, or laugh for hours at a joke no one though was funny, you’ve thought about the fact that maybe you’ll never find anyone as perfect for you as jimin

but you’ve also thought about that fact that you didn’t feel like either of you were in a good place for a relationship

you were both busy with school, jimin was always overwhelmed with dance practices and competition training,  and you’ve been trying to balance your current job with interview after interview for a better one

mostly, you knew how important dancing was to jimin as a part of his future and you wanted him to focus on that.

 you came to terms with the fact that you’d only be a distraction, and that no matter how much it might hurt whenever you pulled out of a hug before it got too long, or broke eye contact when you saw how much love there was in his eyes, you knew that in the long run, this was what would be best for him

right?

in that moment, with him looking at you so warmly you wanted so much to intertwine your fingers with his and tell him that yes!! you liked him too!! so much!! 

but instead you said

“yeah jimin, i know. i like you too, that’s why we’re friends.”

you tried to keep a light, casual tone in your voice and smiled weakly at him before throwing yourself back into your work

jimin’s smile faded and he paused a little from shock of what happened before shaking his head and tugging on  your sweater so you’d look back up at him

“no, no, not like that. i mean- yes like that. i do like you as a friend. but also more than that. you know? like i like you a lot more than that. as like, a girlf-”

he was nervously rambling and he still hadn’t let go of your sweater

you cut him off “right, friends. you’re a really good friend jimin. my best friend. you know i really appreciate that right?”

and in the way that you guys have always been able to read each other, jimin knew that this was your way of saying no

he slowly let go of your sweater and leaned back into his chair

you refused to look up from your assignment, but if you did you would’ve seen a heartbroken boy going over and over in his head about what he possible could’ve done wrong

by the time you guys left the cafe to get dinner together, you were both talking like normal again, there was an unspoken agreement to pretend like nothing had happened

but it was impossible

and that’s why when jimin reads your text, he rereads it 20 times and types out “i love you too” before deleting it and retyping it 20 times 

and he finally settles on a simple ily2, but still his finger hovers over the send button before he finally presses it

back to the morning of your test, you wake up at 7 and check your phone, smiling to see a text from jimin.

“morning! i’ll be over at in 15 with breakfast.”

you sigh and close your eyes, thinking what you did to deserve this boy as your friend

after rolling out of bed and starting to get ready, your doorbell rings and you open the door to see jimin (somehow looking amazing this early in the morning) holding two bags of food and smiling in a way that even his eyes are smiling with him

he comes in and starts to set up the food in your kitchen and he knows where everything is because he’s over practically all the time

and you’re just watching him thinking “god I’m an idiot why wouldn’t I want to date him? he’s literally perfect??”

sleepily, you walk over and ruffle his hair and look at him lovingly (but like friend lovingly (you swear)) 

and he stops arranging the plates to look back at you and was about to tell you off for messing his hair up but you’ve never looked at him like that before 

like he’s seen you look at him thankfully or with pure joy or fondly

but this is different

and when he told jin abt you and how you had rejected him, jin told him to use a pick up line when the time is right

but he doesn’t throw out a cheesy line in fear of ruining the moment so instead he says “why are you looking at me like that?”

“don’t get any ideas jimin, i’m just thankful for the food.” (nice save)

“of course! what are friends for?” he says winking at you

because right, you’re friends.

 just friends.

[aliyawyg20]

prompt 22: ok so this one is very hard for me. I am a very spiritually trained person. he and I got so good at the end because of this training -he had the fastest turn around or matched my growth the fastest out of everyone I knew, let alone my family, and we both benefited greatly from it. at this point, I can see my dad whenever I want to -dreams, right now, even, while I'm awake, I can leave my body the same way he did, but I can do it consciously and come back. through the white tunnel and all. I did it a few hours ago. I can go to him. I saw him and spoke to him everyday as he was dying. we are just energy, he and I. however, just because I can do this, doesn't mean I want to in this moment. It is emotionally very hard. my body gets really upset and I have to calm it down when I am up there. he also wants his space at the moment and when I look at him as a soul without a body while being in my body, I feel the whole thing. I have to do body level things right now like taking care of my physical health and moving and processing with ease what comes in from the above space. as above, so below. heaven on earth. I have my understanding of why he left and it doesn't devalue my very real and painful experience as a human. in fact, seeing him and talking to him caused me so much stress because I wanted to save him and it got to a point where I had to surrender and realize that I couldn't change his path. like, I can understand that he went peacefully in his sleep surrounded by love and prayers, but the logic only balances to the emotion, it does not ease or negate it. having both this spiritual knowingness and ease on the other side (like, *that* other side) pushes up against my body and emotions and my drama. I don't call where he is "the afterlife", I call here "the after". BC, before corona. AD, after dad. because of my reasoning and understanding, I also hit up against this idea that I don't need to experience the feelings, there's an expectation that I should be neutral that I have somewhere deep inside of me. But that's just not reasonable right now. I am doing nothing wrong and I don't know why I don't believe myself. just some weird energy that says I can't even show up for myself correctly. I'll clear that right now. damn. this is totally not what the prompt was. this is so deeply personal. I am scared to even share this because maybe it seems "woo woo" or will not make sense. I am scared to own being psychic and a trance medium in a vulnerable space. this place has been safe and met me with love so far. I pray this isn't too out there. I do not want to be in rejection, but I understand what I resist persists. This is one of those prompts where it's definitely for me and I get scared that other people can see it. Take away all the walls, put down the flowery writing and just write for my own self, just a bit fearfully in front of others. oh, oi ve. I'll calm it down. go neutral. I don't know what my dad would say right now, I'm giving us both space. I just see himself combing his hair, sitting down, the way he would at the mirror but he is sitting write now. and he is in his long sleeve dark red shirt, he never wore bright red or orange or yellow or any color as a shirt for that matter. he is in his jeans and tan slippers and just combing his hair. he is also crying. this is when I have to stop looking because it is just too painful. he is doing what I have to do: take care of myself through the pain. thank you for reading this. please don't hate me if you can. I want to be more understanding of myself but all my wounds are up right now and I speak from fear of abandonment and loneliness. I'm scared and sad and tired and scared and scared and scared and scared. I hope this makes sense. I wish I had my cat to hold and my dad to check in on me. this one was tough for me. ok thank you goodnight I will not proofread this because I don't want to go through this again. I paused and ran my cosmic and earth energies more to clear my channels. the lyric "while I die" came into my head. I am basically puking my process out right now. no one needs to ever even read this. I just needed to say this in any space and admit and own it all because I really haven't had the opportunity to yet. here I am. here we are. ok goodnight I love you Aliya, I'm proud of you for being vulnerable. please take it moment by moment. allow others to witness your whacky and beautiful self and please make popcorn and watch ponyo and give yourself a break and for the love of god, please do not check zillow. i love you Aliya. sweet dreams good night hear his kk :* :* and his whistling sound through the park or grocery store and cry goddamnit cry! and post and go be alone and take care of yourself oi goddamn ve

[burntflorets]

21 april 2017

3:17am you called me. you said wanted to see me. then you said u had ot, you didn’t even end much later. then you didn’t want to meet me.

i’m confused.

initially you got so angry i tried to communicate with you. saying i wasn’t honoring you and your time out, being disrespectful and all. hell you got fucking angry with me.

i hate it when you get angry with me. i get terrified when you get angry. i get scared when you raise your voice at me. especially when you’re way much bigger than i am. God knows what you can do to me if you’re angry. not saying that you abused me but yknow. fuck, it was bad. i was fucking shitty then, and all you did was get angry with me when i tried to reach out to you. you got angry when i told you i still loved you.

then you told me that you were a new you. you wanted to do shit, you couldn’t be with me, or anyone.

you know how hurtful that is to hear that?

i fucked myself up for half a month trying to figure out what i did wrong, trying to grasp at anything, trying to keep myself going, trying to get through you, trying to force myself to cope and learn how to stop myself from slowly learning to live w/o you. i lived everyday in a blur, i can’t even remember what i did the previous day anymore. i don’t even know what i ate or did or if i even went to work.

then you dropped the fucking truth bomb on me at last, telling me you were a new you, the fuckboy you. the selfish you. that you that can’t be with anyone.

how am i supposed to feel. i don’t even know you anymore. the person i thought i knew inside out, i realized i didn’t even know a single bit about.

honestly when you told me about the new you, part of me died and left. i’m not going to lie. before you told me that, i was still sure about you, about us. and i still stuck to my decision. then you told me. i got numb. i still am. i’m surprised that that was the one that actually stopped me from crying.

you changed. you’re so different now. i don’t know if i know you anymore. i’m confused.

now you’re changing your tune, you say you miss me. ok idk if you miss me but you suddenly said you love me.

you change your mind fucking fast.

you’re fucking bipolar. it’s confusing me. you became so fickle. i’m fucking confused.

are you ok? were you drinking that’s why? yknow when i woke up and saw your text i got really confused.

the first thing that got into my mind was “are you drunk???” and the next thing i wanted to say to you was “yeah right but you didn’t love me enough that’s why you were so unsure and caught between staying and committing to me or your new life motto”

i wanted to be sarcastic. fuck i was angry. i was angry with you, i was angry with myself. i was angry with the world.

fuck i wanted to be with you. i didn’t want anything else. i didn’t want you to leave. i loved you with everything i had. i loved you with every inch of my being. i loved you so much that it compensated the 0 love i had for myself.

and then you told me why you were so unsure about us.

zach HOW THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO FEEL.

it’s finally sinking in. i’ve been numb too long. it hurts now. and i’m angry.

i was disappointed earlier when i heard it. now fucking angry and hurt.

you said you feel played. what is this now. you’re playing me. AND MY FUCKING FEELINGS.

stop it. you fucking pushed me away when i needed you the most. now when you tell me all those hurtful stuff, you change your mind then tell me you love me and it was great hearing my voice.

fuck you zach what are you doing to me??

my emotions are back. i’m sad. i’m hurting. i’m angry. I don’t know what to feel anymore.

don’t come running back bc you pity me. don’t come back if you’re undecided.

you know you can’t have both. it’s either me or your new life. i feel you’re holding on to me bc you want both, you’re greedy and selfish. you say you want me and at the same time you’re trying to fit your new life into this too.

no. don’t. you’re going to hurt me even more.

like i said previously, don’t stay bc u pity me. 
stay only bc u love me and see a future with me. stay only if you’re willing to commit to me. stay only if you are going to be loyal to me. stay only if you are going to be transparent with me. stay only if you wont do shit behind my back. stay only if you appreciate and treasure me. stay only if you’re mentally and physically here with me.
if not, leave. as much as i hate to say it, leave. leave and never look back

i want to trust you, i wanted to desperately trust you that you were using this time out to think about us. for us to be better in future.

then i found you on tinder, then i see you went back to porn. then you told me the truth bomb.

you were doing shit behind my back.

if you were me, how fucked up do you think that would be.

i honestly don’t know if i can ever see you in the same way as before anymore.

do you know how crushed i was??

i was shit at the start, i was barely coping, i was just scraping through. then all these happened.

maybe i’m still numb. i don’t know what to feel now. i don’t feel anything towards you. and it scares me. idk what i feel for you anymore.

notice how i stopped putting “things i want to say to you if we were still talking?” after that day? after you told me the new you?

all these aren’t what i want to say to you anymore. all these is just me and my thoughts now. i’m not telling this to you anymore. it’s just all my raw unfiltered thoughts now. i just had to write them down somewhere. i need to get this off my chest.

i’ve been trying to clear my headspace and think things through. no one can help me now. i was so confident about us, about my answer to you then. i still was, till you told me the new you.

i felt like i don’t know you anymore. it felt like i was talking to a stranger. someone that i would hate to be friends with. someone i would hate.

everything just felt so wrong. i wanted to be in denial. i wanted it to be a bad dream. i wanted to wake up from the bad dream.

i’ve been drinking from the bottle, i’ve been smoking a lot to feel alive. all these has made me feel dead inside. and after that day, i felt even more dead inside than ever.

i had to check if i was still alive by trying to burn myself with the fire. i had to check if i was still alive by punching holes in the wall again.

it felt like the start of the time out again.

don’t push me away and get angry with me when i try to reach out to you, only to turn around and say you love me and all when i’m trying to come to terms with the new you.

it’s like you have alr been fucking around doing the shit that you want, then now coming back and telling me you love me when you had enough fun. it’s like hanging me on a rack, then when you’re cold, you use me again to keep you warm.

don’t come back if you still do shit behind my back.

stop fucking with me and my feelings zach. they are feelings ffs. i can’t just turn them off and on as and when i like it.

you put me through hell zach. i was going to kill myself. you don’t know how much it took for me to not kill myself. i tried killing myself everyday. i did try to kill myself yesterday too.

i ran in front of cars otw to work, i stood under the sun for 7 hours refusing to drink any water or eat anything ever since u told me the new you. i was googling death by heatstroke i only fainted for a while. it wasn’t long enough for anyone to notice. it wasn’t long enough for me to be sent home. it wasn’t long enough for me to be admitted to the hospital.

i thought that if i died, it’ll be a win win situation for us. i would be happy, you wouldn’t have to regret me and you could go live your new life.

when i woke up, i saw you texted me. to clarify. i was conflicted and angry. i didn’t know how to feel anymore. i felt played. i felt like the biggest fucking idiot in the whole world.

i’m not trying to say that i only suffered. maybe you did too, maybe you didn’t. i don’t know. i’m not you. but i know myself. and what i’ve been through.

God knows what you have done, the fun you have had, the shit that you did, the girls you flirted and made out with and did, the parties you have gone and once u had your fun, now you’re telling me you love me and you miss me.

i desperately want to trust you, but i don’t know if i can.

you’ve turned bad. you changed. i don’t know anything anymore. i still want to fight for you, but i don’t know if it’s the right thing to do anymore.

it’s 5am. i’m running out of alcohol and cigarettes. it’s hard to think. i’ve got so much to say but my mind’s a mess. i can’t put them out into words properly.

i’m not drunk i’m not high. my mind’s just in a mess. i don’t know anything anymore.

12:04pm i’m mentally and physically drained. idk what to think anymore. my head needs to stop pounding and my stomach needs to stop rejecting stuff. there’s nothing for me to puke why am i still puking?? i’m puking bile blood wtv it’s horrible. i want to go home. i want to die

1:20pm these days have been very draining. this whole month is wearing me out. all i want rn is to be back in your arms like before. but i know that’s not possible anymore. i’m just tired. i want all these to end. i don’t even know what i want anymore. fuck this

you said your fantasy was just in the moment. you didn’t know what came over you. but it’s clear as day.

you said you always wanted to do it since young. your fantasy was well thought out, you knew exactly what you wanted, previously when you decided things on impulse you couldn’t give a convincing explanation. this, this explanation of your fantasy, you looked like you really spent half your life thinking of it, and that you were going to do it soon. it was that convincing.

as much as i want to believe you’re the same person as before, but your fantasy shit, it kills me to know that deep down this is what you really want and that you have been hiding that part of you from me. and i can understand why you hid it.

the fact that it was so detailed like you knew everything and you could say things like “i will and i can even if it’s for life” when i told you you can’t possibly be living that way for your whole life. you were so adamant and so sure of yourself.

and i’m scared bc what if we get back together and i disregard what you said about your fantasy, but then at the back of your mind this is what you’re thinking all the time. what if you get unsure of us again? then we have to go through this all over again.

i can see i’m not important enough for you. i’m not a priority in your life that’s why you are so torn between me or that fantasy life. if i was your everything you wouldn’t even go through this thought process. it wouldn’t even have crossed your mind.

honestly when i asked you that if you have this mindset now what makes me think you wouldn’t have these thoughts again in future what makes you so sure you wouldn’t have these thoughts again? you just went quiet.

when i told you that if we were to get back together, we need to start from scratch again. we can’t just pick up from where we left off. it’s not going to work out. we’ll just be the same all over again. you just ignored that portion and replied to the other qn i had.

when i said that we always keep running into the same problems that we both did come to a conclusion once. and i said that demoralizing that we ‘claimed’ to have solved a problem before, in fact, we actually didn’t at all. you just kept quiet again.

you can’t promise me anything. to think that you say you aren’t breaking up with me now, but you can’t promise that you’ll change and you know that deep down the fantasy thing wasn’t a one time thing that’s why you couldn’t give an answer.

come clean. stop lying to yourself. it’s plain as day. it’s not a one time thing. you’ve always wanted this your whole life. i can see it too. it’s even clearer now. it actually explains your actions in the past.

i know my sentences aren’t coherent, my head fucking hurts. i’m mentally and physically exhausted. this whole month has been shit. i can’t wait for all these to end. but u need to come clean.

3:42pm my headache and nausea and dizziness are even more strong than usual today. and i left my painkillers at home. i can’t even stand. i can’t even sit straight without swaying. i feel like i'm losing consciousness. i feel like i'm losing control of my body. fuck this. today is shit. i just want to go home. i wished all these never happened. i wished we were still happy. then i could go to you. i just want to be in your arms like before when i had a migraine attack. i just want to hear u say everything will be alright.

i wish too much don’t i.